Episode Transcript
Welcome back to the slide with your host Tavares Bethel. It is an honor and a privilege to come to you today, uh, in this, our final recording for this Uh, seasons of episodes today. We'll be joined by Fred and Michelle Herring, a power couple, uh, from the Citadel church. Um, they're actually in charge of their couples ministry, and they're going to share with us, uh, a few words of guidance and inspiration, how we can add value and enrich our experience, uh, as couples.
So please, uh, uh, enjoy the information that will be shared to you today by, uh, Fred and Michelle Herring.
You're listening to the slide podcast with Tavaris Bethel. What we attempt to do is to always speak blunt blood raw, straight from the city of Jacksonville to connect economics, politics, education in the street. So we slide on every concept. We slide on every topic. We're going to just jump on it. We won't slide.
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And without any further ado, allow me to introduce you to the Herring Well, my name is Michelle Herring. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. I'm originally from St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. And, uh, if y'all know anything about growing up with a mama from the Virgin Islands, she did not play. So that's how I was raised. My mama did not play. She was about discipline. She was a teacher for 30 years.
So she was really into my education. So, um, I went to private school for, let's see, from kindergarten all the way through eighth grade. I went to public high school. I went to Midwood high And then I went to Cornell university in, in, uh, New in Ithaca, New York. And so from there, my first job out of school was Memphis, Tennessee.
And that is where I met this young man, um, at international paper. That's where we met. Um, he befriended me because I didn't know anything about Memphis. I needed some shoes and some different things, you know, to be ready for work. So he said, okay, I'll take you. So, uh, as a way to. Um, thank him for taking me out because he was so patient with me because you know women I'm looking at this I'm looking at that.
I'm oh i'm deciding on this deciding on that. He spent the whole day with me. I'm He never let on he might have been sick of me. But um But I we went out to eat and from there a friendship blossomed. Um, we went to church together In fact, we went to bible study. In fact, he explained to me about baptism So that's how we started.
We started going to a Bible study together and then it just kind of blossomed from there. We went to an all night prayer service and God told me this is going to be your husband. He told me, don't say nothing. So I didn't say anything. And uh, I guess it hit him too because about three months we knew each other and three months he had asked me to marry him.
And um, then he kind of like slowed down and I was like, What's really going on here? Um, you know, I was like, huh, you said he was waiting. So I asked him what he was waiting for. So, you know, we kind of just was like chilling out for a little bit and I'll let him tell the rest of that story. Well, my name is Frederick Herring.
I'm originally from Derry Beach, florida. I pretty much spent most of my, half of my life in Florida. Uh, graduate of Boca Raton high school, went to Florida A& M university. And I, like she said, we met in Memphis, Tennessee at international paper company. Um, how I met this young lady was actually a friend of mine told me about her and said, Hey, there's this young lady that came from South Carolina, uh, to, to international paper company, need a meter and Michelle.
And I'm like, okay, I'll go meet her. I'll be friend. Um, Went there. I went up to see Michelle. Look at this young lady. Very attractive young lady and being very raw and very honest She has some nice legs. I'm like this girl is good. She's hot. So I was gonna help her out and just you know, be friend But all along one of the things that happened to me I've never been a person to be dating someone and playing games with people I never played games with girls.
I've had the opportunity to never did I'm very honest with people and being in the ministry, I just come out of a relationship, um, that I was engaged to a young lady and this, that was not the proper thing to be in. So I had to get out of that. And I was pursuing another young lady, not this young lady.
Um, I was pursuing another young lady and that I met at school. And quite honestly, I told Michelle that, Hey, I'm interested in you, but I'm not looking to do anything else. I have this, all the young lady that I want to pursue. And I quite honestly brought, befriended her. Definitely. I, I always make friends, um, brought it to my house, cooked the dinner for her and told her straight up, Hey, I'm not interested in you because I want to pursue someone else.
She, as she said, the Lord told her, Hey, this is going to be your husband. He didn't tell me that. You know, he didn't tell me that I'd been praying for a young lady and I'd always heard something in my head. Don't be no fool. Don't throw your love away. And I'm like, Lord, what are you talking about? Cause I want this young lady that's in another area.
And I went back to my hometown, back to really at that time, Tallahassee, where I went to school at and talked to my sister in law and I said, look, you know, I got this situation. I'm interested in this young lady. You know, the young lady, but I got this young lady in Memphis that I'm concerned about, and I don't know what to do.
And I don't play games. And so what I literally brought Michelle to my house and said, Hey, I'm interested in you, but I got this young lady that I'm, that I'm pursuing. And, and if all goes well, that's where I'm going to go. So I literally got on the phone with this young lady, with Michelle in presence said, Hey, Hey, you know, I'm interested in you.
However, I do have this person that I'm interested in, but if you tell me to move on, that's what I'm going to do. She told me to move on. And I definitely moved on and I'm grateful that I got this young lady right here because God blessed me with it. Um, I had to eat a lot of crow because she's like, uh, uh, you don't, you don't told me to set me up pretty and fed me dinner and you don't tell them you're not interested in me.
I had to eat crow, but I'm glad I did. Well, the advice I would give is definitely to pray. Cause I did a lot of praying and also to, I knew his heart and I knew he, to him, to be an honest man, like he told me, he said, I don't play games. And so the fact that he was willing to get on the phone and call her and ask her in front of me.
I was like, you know what? I admire that. I could respect that because he didn't cut any bones. Like he said, he invited me to dinner. He told me he liked me, you know, told me I was cool and all of this and that. But he said, Hey, there's somebody else I'm interested in. And, but he was honest. Now. I'm not gonna lie.
My feelings were hurt. Cause you know, number one, I'm from New York city and you know, that's why they call it a New York second. Cause I was like, well, wait a second. I can't believe this dude invited me to dinner, told me he liked me and then tell me there's some other girl. So of course, you know, as all women do, I went and talked to my girlfriend and um, but you know, me and her, we're going to church together.
Like she kind of took me to her church, kind of got me back going to church. So she was like, well, you know. Just just pray about it. That's what she told me and that was her best advice She wound up being the best woman. We did not have a best man at our marriage We had a best woman and it was her and so I just prayed about it and I knew his heart I knew he was honest I had never had a guy do me like that like talk call another woman in front of me like, you know Most guys would, you know, they weren't very honest, you know, trying to tell me that I'm the one, while I clearly know there's somebody else.
So for him to be that honest, and not only that, like, since we went to church and Bible study together, like I got to see him in another arena and how he loved God and worship God, it was a different thing for me. So yes, my feelings were hurt, but I didn't allow it to make me bitter. I, uh, I was able to see his heart and that's what allowed me to be able to deal with it.
As a matter of fact, the young lady that, that he was interested in, we became friends. We're friends now. Like when he calls her, she'll say, Hey, how you doing? And I'm like, I'm doing fine. We would talk on the phone. So he made it easy for me to respect her as well. Um, in fact, her and the man that she was dating at the time, her child's father, they came to visit us and it was all cool.
We had a great time together. So. If just showing that's how God just paved that way for me not to be bitter It actually made it better for us and his honesty is what Is what helped me to get past that and not hold that against him now He did eat crow because you know, he did come and tell me but but it wasn't for long, you know He kind of made a joke out of it He came to my house in a karate suit and had put some black paste on his eyes and he was like he was like Oh, you could beat me up now.
And so, and he does that today. He still makes me laugh in the heat of, of, um, what could be a miserable moment. We can laugh about it. And so, so that's what helped me get past all that. I grew up, um, with. I'm the fifth of six children, had two older sisters, um, had a mom, and I basically saw what my brothers were doing, in terms of relationships, and I saw the effect of what their relationship, having multiple girlfriends or whatever they may do, um, saw what was happening in my family, just as a whole, just generations, people how men abuse women and stuff like it, and my sisters, Help raise me and I didn't want to do anything that would hurt them or dishonor my mom My mom and dad were divorced when I was six And I didn't want to cause any hurt or any pain anyone in that situation And I was always one very pure in terms of when I dated someone.
I'm like you're it I'm not playing games with that because I don't want to hurt you and I just had that Never played even she met me. I told her when she met me. I have multiple girlfriends Friends that I doubt are girlfriends and even told I say David any of them disrespect you you let me know but do not tell me who my friends would be because they were here before you were and they would be here probably afterwards and If any of them disrespect you let me know and I would take care take put them in place And what she said about the young lady that I was pursuing we actually led her to Christ both of us did that Um, and so it's just being treating people the really way they want to be treated.
That's all I've been. And I've watched and see how things happen in life. I've learned from people's mistakes and I don't try to repeat them. And I, and I see what works and I do that. But now it's something I was very appears like, look, I value this person. That's a queen. That's a gift. The Bible speaks of, of, of he that finds a wife, finds a good thing.
She's a gift. And let me say that 33 years that we've been in marriage, I've not really appreciated that gift. The way it should be and that's what I'm working on now in these this coming part of our years There's a lot of stuff that her and I had to work through and I'm the culprit of it So and I I'm still eating crow because I got a repent of what I've done Even though we've been together three three thirty three years.
It's been a great experience, but realizing that hey She is a gift and I don't want anyone to mistreat her. She's somebody's daughter Okay, she's gonna be the potential of my children's kids You And I'm not going to mess with you if I don't see, I always said, if I can't, I won't date someone that I couldn't see, I couldn't marry.
As we counsel people, I think people get into relationships. They don't realize that just having a physical attraction is not enough. The sexual aspect of it is not enough. You're going to have to have some non negotiables. If you're looking to bind into what marriage is about, it's for eternity, death do us part.
And so I'm looking at someone, how can I get someone that's going to be. That, that first share the same values that I do, first of all. Um, and someone that can compliment me. That's the most important thing. Where I'm weak, she's strong. Vice versa. What I was looking for and always look for a woman is, I want a woman that can be able to survive without Frederick.
Not looking for Frederick to, to be her sugar daddy. But if something goes wrong, Frederick gets sick, he gets not able to work. She may be able to pick a butt up and go to work and take care of business. That's what I was praying for. I was looking for a godly woman, a woman that's going to love her children and respect her, respect her elders and, and, and, and help all this.
So that's what I was looking for right there. Not looking for anything else. Your looks are great. But that's the heart that I was looking at because she's not shit. What I wanted. I wanted me a, a fair skin, New Yorker, long head girl. She's brown skin, but she had the heart that I would look in those non negotiables.
I wanted a person that loved God, respect the elders. That's doing something constructive, being able to work, do provide for herself, not looking for me for an identity, because if she don't love herself, she can't, she ain't gonna be able to deal with me. And that's the thing. Cause she will tell you to be with Frederick.
You got to be a strong woman for me. Um, I was definitely looking for a godly man. I was looking for a man that would respect me. That would, um, cherish me that could hold a conversation. I need to, my love language is, is, is communication. I need somebody that's going to be able to talk to me that we could talk about anything, whether it is, we're talking about, um, you know, politics, we're talking about, um, what we want to do in the future.
I, uh, you know, and that comes from my mom. Cause my mom always told me, do not bring, um, A stupid man home. That was like the, the, you know, that was drilled into my head from the time. I think I was two years old. Please do not bring a stupid man here. So living with that, you know, I wanted someone. That could have conversations.
I grew up seeing my mom and dad have conversations. We sat at the dinner table and we talked a lot. So, you know, I was the only child. So that, that was important to me. Someone that I could talk to, someone that would listen to me. Um, someone that was into me, obviously. I mean, you don't want, you don't want to be with someone that, you know, has one eye this way in the other eye this way.
Um, that's, that's not for me. Um, and I think that. Also to someone that is going to be there for you no matter what chips up, chips down, whatever. When, when, uh, a few months after we were married, like two months into our marriage, I lost my job. And, um, I was like, how am I going to go tell this man that I don't have a job?
I went and told him and he was like, we're going to be okay. I understand we're going to be fine. He didn't flinch. He didn't bat an eye. And so that's important to me too. Like, again, like what he's kind of what he intimated. If, if I'm up and he's down, I can pick him up. And if I'm down, you know, he can, he can help boost me up.
So just that compatibility is important. Um, one of the things we do is we definitely pray. Um about it, you know, um, I think we do that separately Um, I think we just keep talking until we can come to Something that we can both live with and there are times we agree to disagree But respectfully like okay, this is what you want to do.
All right, I I support you I don't necessarily agree with that, but I support you when we we don't allow the conflict to just You Pull us apart. Just realize that this is something we don't agree on and at the end of the day We still love each other. It's gonna be okay. It's it's about do you know what at the end of the day?
Do you want to be the end? Do you want the end to be that y'all just walk away or can you still live with each other on a Particular issue that you don't agree on For me, I think it is that we definitely do pray. Um, what we do look at is this, is understanding and appreciating what each bring to the table.
Um, one of the things I've had to learn is be able to listen. and hear our heart. That is something I'm still trying to do. Um, I think one of the things I've learned as a, as a, even as a teenager back in high school and we're corrected, even refining this, learning to compromise, but not be compromised.
What I mean that is that realizing that you're gonna have to find a common goal that you guys can reach, go towards. And if if she feels that she's being hurt, I feel like being heard. And then I'm not losing my soul to this relationship. I'm respecting what she has to say or vice versa, but then also what's the end in mind?
What are we trying to do? The ultimate is to stay together, to go and understand that there is a common enemy in this world. And that's the thing that we have to see beyond. What's behind this? The Bible, Jesus did this when he was speaking to, um, to Peter. When Peter said he was not going to go on that cross, he spoke to Satan.
He said, get thee behind me, Satan, not Peter. Realize that we have a common enemy in this world. Forces of bad and evil. People may say, depending on your belief, for me, it's Satan. Other people may be there, but there's a force behind this person that's causing it. Try to get that rift. And if you can unidentify that individual.
See what's going on that allows me to love her beyond that and I gotta see that Hey, this woman is not against me. She really loves me. She's doing whatever she's got in it There's a reason why understanding that and then don't let that go. Don't go to bed angry. I'm still learning that one You know, get it out, talk it out, and realize that you are in there for it.
The common goal is to, to get beyond this here. Don't let anything division get to you. Wow. Uh, love is a lot of things. Love is sometimes sacrificing what you want for the other person, for the good of that other person. And love is also, um, you've got to go into a relationship knowing that it is work. I think.
Unfortunately, social media has given our young people the idea that love is easy. No, it is not. There are some times that I think, Ooh, I don't know if I really like him today. I still love him, but I don't know if I really like him today, but you know what? That's okay. I'm going to go wash these dishes.
I'm going to wash his clothes. I'm going to make sure that he has everything he needs. So love is setting aside yourself. For the betterment of that other person. I always want the best for him. Even if I'm upset at him, I always want the best for him. So love is wanting the best being able to set your pride aside and being able to say, you know what, I'm going to lay down myself.
I want him, I want him to feel good about this. It's going to be okay if I don't feel good at this moment. But knowing that he's okay is where I say, that's what love is. Love is, it is not easy. Um, so let's not mistake that it takes work every day. It takes prayer every day. It takes being in 100, not 50.
You know, they talk about 50, 50, nah, it's a hundred, a hundred. I give him a hundred. Sometimes I may not, I may only get back 50, but that's okay. Cause I can live with the fact that I have given everything I got. Love is sacrificial. And that is something again. Um, and she knows this, I've said this, I went, I've made a mistake in our relationship because of, like I said, my family being my parents being divorced and that stuff, they're looking for love.
I went looking for love in the wrong places. Even though I had her and I used to run in my head, there was a song, I wanna Know What love is. Well, love was looking me right in my face right there, but I really couldn't see it. So love and what she's saying about that sacrificial love, she definitely defines that for me, I'm learning that, uh, where I was showing love was, was that hey, a man need to work, you know, provide for his family.
That's it. I'm now learning to love her in the way that she needs. And that is having that conversation, spending time with those five love languages that people, people talk about. So it is a sacrifice given of yourself, not just material things, but given of yourself, being able to meet that need and where she needs it at.
That's what I'm learning. So when I look at love, I see love right there and my wife and she's, she's teaching me how to love and I'm grateful for that. It is a sacrifice and I'm learning how to make that sacrifice beyond just Going to work and providing, but now sacrifice. Hey, she wants time to spend holding hands, something I ain't used to doing.
I'm going to do it because it makes, it meets her needs. It is sacrificial love, being able to cycle, look beyond yourself and meet that need of that person. That's what love is. The sacrifice. So as we close out our season of recording, uh, it has been an honor and a privilege. Um, and thank you all for joining me on this ride on the slide.
When we started this journey, our overall goal was to evolve human consciousness by sharing information that would, uh, be thought provoking, um, inspire critical thinking, um, we wanted to attack problems and attack Uh, subject matter that would allow for us to enter into dialogue and discussion about those critical components that impact our society.
We know we're in a political season, so we talked a lot about politics. We had an opportunity, and that was with Mr. Anthony Brown, uh, we had Mr. Sandra Johnson from Making a Difference in the Lives of Others, uh, to come on and, and share with us those things that we needed therapeutically in order to be able to improve, uh, our condition.
We were joined by. Wonderful groups of young men from from our community. Um, the artist very on came on and he gave us a real in depth understanding of what the youth require in order to be successful. I was blessed to be able to be joined by Dr. Nashon Nix of Team Nitro. Uh, as I, uh, encountered him as he was running for school board District five and just the individuals, the men and women that I've met.
on this journey. Blessed to be in the presence of the collective perspective and the information that they shared. It's all captured in these seasons worth of recordings. I advise you all go back and take a look. Consider the things that we shared. It was an absolute honor to interview Miss Black Jacksonville, uh, Miss Shalita Taylor, and we all want to support her as she moves towards becoming Miss Black Florida.
These things are important and allow me to say, That when we started this journey, it wasn't because, um, we felt that we had something more profound to say than other individuals. That's not it, right? We don't think of ourselves as those individuals that, um, um, are given a word of inspiration that should force you to change your life.
If the difficulties that we've experienced in our life up to this point, Haven't provided us with enough motivation to seek solutions, even solutions that may challenge the way we understand, then continue to suffer and mediocrity. But those who would like to evolve themselves, then what we ask you to do is stay with us, stay the course.
Stay consistent and continue to join us on the slide in this next iteration of time. We'll dig really, really deep into those things that allow us to change our circumstances. Uh, I was blessed to have the opportunity to author a book, how to become a six figure earner, um, for individuals that come from the low socioeconomic demographic.
You may be a middle manager. You may be somebody who spent 10 or 15 or 20 years, even working in the United States military. And now it's time to transition back out here into the active world where things are a little different from us, uh, from those of us who have spent 20 years in the United States military.
The way that you earn, the way that you can speak and move in the environment, those things are different. The way that you prepare, those things are different. Uh, myself as a high school dropout from Miami, Florida, um, Having an opportunity to join the United States military, receive a secondary education, and then re enter, you know, the corporate space with the tools and the resources that I need in order to be able to command a salary that will allow me to take care of my family.
That was important to me. And what I would like to do in this next season of time is I would like to share some of those, um, experiences with you all so that we can improve the quality of life that we experienced. Is it going to change everything? No. Um, but it will change something in the life of that one.
And so, so for those individuals, join us, continue to come out and support us. Ride the slide is going to be a wild and fun ride. We're going to learn some things and we're going to do everything that we can in order to, um, um, make life better for those individuals that. Embrace information, embrace change, and are ready to, uh, uh, uh, command their reality.
Thank you all. Thank you for joining us. I want to say a special shout out to mixed theory studios, Mr. Uh, Jesus and Shannon. Vavar. If you need some support on your next project, pull up the mixed theory studios. This is where it's going down at. Thank you all for joining us and we look forward to season two.
So you can come and ride the slide. Peace.
